Draft of Analytical Research

Please provide feedback on my first draft of analytical research.

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 10, 2018 at 2:47 PM

    My overall impression of the paper was good,I like how the paper was organized so I could clearly follow what you were talking about and knowing the difference between non academic and academic. The paper was well written with just a few sentences changes. The information was good I think that some parts could have been stronger. You did a good job with the information that you since writing isn't something that they do a lot of with in that field of study.

    I think in some places you stray away from the Health and Human Physiology aspect of the paper. Make sure that your examples relate to the field of study you are focusing on. Add more quotes from the person you interviewed so we can gain a better perspective on what the writing is really like. It makes it harder when they don't write a lot in that field of study, so maybe ask them for a real life example. If they spend most of there time writing email ask what they would include in a email.

    The three areas of improvement I would say the first one would be examples, make sure that your examples relate to the topic of the paper. Another thing you could do is add more quotes from the person you interviewed so we can gain more perspective on what writing is in that field. The example you had that use technical terms maybe find the explanation of what they mean in the article so we can have more context about the point you are trying to make.

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  2. Leah Zellner Rhetoric BlogSeptember 13, 2018 at 6:44 PM

    My overall impression of your paper was great. It flowed very well and had great support. It was very well organized which helped me understand what I was specifically reading about. Your academic and non-academic writings showed a clear difference, and you had great supporting arguments. You did a great job writing and explaining about their writing styles even though the field of study, Health and Human Physiology, doesn't have a lot of writings.

    One of my suggestions for your paper would be to make sure that you stay on topic and don't broaden the subject as much. Keep it simple but along the lines of Health and Human Physiology. In your academic writing piece of your paper I would try and find more support to it. Your non-academic writing piece was good, but it tended to get off topic easily. I would also add more quotes from the person that you interviewed because their perspective is very important.

    Your examples should also be more related to the topic of this essay. You should talk more about the technical terms used in this field of study. Make the points more obvious in the non-academic writing. Lastly, you had a few grammatical mistakes, but only a few. I corrected them, but I would go through and revise all of them. Overall this was a great paper! Great job!

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